Dumb

(In inverted commas)

It’s official.

It’s taken over half a century, but I finally have official proof that I am “dumb”.

Due to circumstances out of my control, my house is now smarter than me.  I’ve been resisting the societal demands to smarten my house up for many years but a few weeks ago the decision was taken out of my hands.

All because I bought a dubious $25 heater from the Reject Shop. You would think that would be confirmation enough of my dumb-ness.  But no.

My beautiful tech savvy son decided to glam up the cheap heater by somehow attaching it to his phone.  He can now tell his phone to switch the heater off and on, even when he’s in Timbuktu.  He also snuck a couple of old speaker-looking things into his room, with which he has random conversations from time to time, including telling them to – turn of the heater.

Hmmm.

This “smart” setup led to a rather confusing and frustrating situation recently.

After he had left for work, I discovered that he had forgotten to turn off the heater.  My immediate response was to reach for the knob to switch it off.  However, just in the nick of time, I remembered that if I did that, his “smart” system would be thrown into confusion and he wouldn’t be very happy with me.

My next thought was to ring him, and ask him to tell his phone, to tell his heater, to turn itself off. THE HEATER THAT I WAS STANDING BESIDE!  However, I knew he was driving so I didn’t want to disturb him.

Then I remembered hearing him a day or so before, commanding his speakers to switch the heater off and on.  Would they obey my voice if I asked?  And what did he call them again?  Siri, or something?

I gave it a go. And hey presto!  The heater turned off!

My initial surge of excitement surprised me.  A wicked chuckle escaped from my mouth as I uttered the words, “Oo, the power I have!”  Immediately though, my heart sank.  How dumb was I, that I had resorted to asking an invisible – thing – to switch off a device I was standing next to, that I was perfectly capable of switching off myself?   Not only that, the invisible thing now has a record of my voice.

So there you have it. What I’ve known all my life is now confirmed for all to see.  I am officially “dumb”. Or at least, not as “smart” as my house, apparently.

It’s suddenly become cold.  I think I’ll turn on the heater…

Nikki